JESUS: Just Easy Sounds for Universal Salvation

Once there was a prog rock keyboardist and vocalist named Neal Morse. He played with Spock's Beard and Transatlantic, and he had a solo career. He had a somewhat gratingly poppy voice, but the music he played was usually very cool. Then one day he met someone new: Jesus. He was, as the kid's say, Born Again. And then he decided writing interesting prog rock is not his scene. He'd rather play aggressively bland adult contemporary about how Jesus loves you come to Jesus Jesus is the one true way O Lord.

Actually, truth told, most of his Post-Jesus stuff is still pretty decent, if less interesting than his previous works, but he put out one song, "Children of the Chosen," that is so very bad, and so very typical of modern Jesusmusic (and played so very often on the prog rock station I listen to), as to prove my point entirely.

My point is: what the hell is it about modern American Protestantism that invites such very shitty music? It's not exactly as if religious devotion never yielded impressive musical works, just ask Bach or Mozart or Ravi Shankar (or King Diamond for that matter).

My belief on the matter is it is a change among religious thinkers as to what the function of music should be in religion. If one looks at a society like Europe in ages past, where membership in a Christian institution (Protestant or Catholic) was assumed, one sees music that was written for purely liturgical purposes; the sole goal was praising God in musical form. The music is a form of prayer, and one cannot glorify God with shitty music*. Thus, we got things like "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring."

Now, however, we live in 21st Century America, and there is a war on. The God Fearing Christians, in particular the Born Again variety, think of music in a different way. It is a recruitment tool in the culture war against the godless heathens.

Of course, this begs the question, if they are using music as a recruiting tool, then why aren't they writing good music? The most likely answer to this seems to me to be that rather than taking the tack of writing Top 40 style pop music, which grabs many ears but can still be very polarizing, they have preferred the strategy of writing bland music, so as to captivate few but offend even fewer. Christianity thus becomes a path of no resistance, so that those who think the least and are the easiest to offend will be the most likely candidates to drift in.

Still doesn't understand how a vibrant prog rocker got suckered in though.




*This is to say nothing of modern Catholic music, for which there can be no earthly explanation, and over which I would imagine God feels extremely smiteful.

Flúgva valkyrjur á val

Týr are an excellent band. I have been blasting their new album almost constantly the past few days. The way they blend old folk tunes with proggy metal and heavy metal (almost reminiscent of Metallica sometimes (only better)).

One thing I've noticed about Týr songs in general - or at least the ones specifically based on old Faroese songs and lays - is that the choruses tend to have seemingly unimportant lines in the focus. For example, in the song from their second album (Eric the Red), "Regin Smi∂ur," the chorus translates as follows:

Greyfell carried the gold from the heath
He swung his sword in wrath
Sigfried defeated the dragon
Greyfell carried the gold from the heath

Notice the line that is repeated. There is sword swinging and dragon defeating going on, but the part emphasized is Greyfell (who is not even the titular character of the song) carrying gold.

Then, on the new album (Land), the chorus of "Fípan Fagra":

Loud beats in hall
Soldiers ride forth
A maiden plays in goves* with the nobleman

This is a little more central to the story of the song as it is about the referred-to maiden. Still, the details seem a little off-topic.

But more to the point, the latter song is completely fantastic. It, along with "Ocean," "Sinklars Vísa," and "Valkyrjar" have been in heavy rotation on my iTunes and in my car. I leave you with the untranslated chorus from the gorgeously arranged "Fípan Fagra."

Há trummar í høll
Hermenn rí∂a fram
Jomfrú leikar í lundum vi∂ tann edilmann

*I don't know what this was supposed to be; the translations in the cd booklet are not the best.

A New Series: A World of Metal

As a follow up to my recent project about metal's distribution across the world, I'd like to begin an exploration of a few pinpoints on the world metal map.

The first pin goes into Hanoi, Vietnam, home of Ngũ Cung, a young progressive metal act, and of many bands I found while dicking around in the search-by-country section of Encyclopedia Metallum. This particular search was inspired by my recent venture in learning the Vietnamese language, and along with it, the culture. The band's songs are epic and thrilling, and fairly heavy, especially for being a progressive metal band of more or less the Dream Theater school (though with some additional Sabbathy hard rock sounds at points). The site linked has recordings of two songs, "Giã Cốm Đêm Trăng" ("Grinding Rice Flakes At Night[or possibly By Moonlight]" seems to be the meaning of this title) and "Cướp Vợ Tục Lệ Người H'Mông" (the title seems to translate to something about abducting a crying, vulgar, Hmong woman?), titles that suggest a lyrical focus on older Vietnamese cultural issues.

Further looks at the Vietnamese section on the Metal Archives suggest quite a few prog bands being based in Hanoi (as well as, like everywhere else, a number of black metal bands), though none of them so far have seemed to be of the quality that Ngũ Cung have shown. I hope to hear more from them soon.

Coming soon to the world of metal: Further explorations of the far east, and an upcoming film on the subject of worldwide metal!

Eurovision

Right now across the ocean, it is Eurovision season. This is always awesome and yields some fantabulous things. For the most part, of course, it's straight up pop of the synthy European variety. However, every year one or two things is in the mix that is completely fantastic, completely unexpected, or just completely bizarre.

Back in 2006 - notably the first year I was actually aware of Eurovision - Finland gave us Lordi, the KISS-esque, Klingon-looking hard rockers, and everyone delighted in their grand victory. There was also the much celebrated, though to me slightly too gimmicky Lithuanian entry, "We Are the Winners" by LT United.

Last year, there were the most fantastically flamboyant Swedes since ABBA, The Ark, with their excellent etude in extravagance, "The Worrying Kind."



Aside from it bumming me out that they did not win, what really disappoints me is that they did not share a stage with Finland's 2008 entry, Teräsbetoni, whose song "Missä Miehet Ratsastaa" ("Where Men Ride") (previously mentioned here) beats even Manowar for its macho gayness.



Most fantastically this year, though, we have Belgium's entry, Ishtar. Ishtar play folk music with imaginary words. Now, usually folk music in a pop competition summons images of The Byrds, or Ani DiFranco, or in any case the classics-modernized approach of The Pogues and their kind*. Ishtar plays real folk music, though it has some elements reminiscent of 19th Century chamber music. It puts one rather in mind of some small European market town generations ago. And it was determined to be the best pop music in Belgium this year. Just listen to the crowds!



I want them to win so badly. I might cry with joy if they do.

*Notably, last year Ireland's entry was Dervish, who are indeed a straight-up Irish folk act, though the song did have a certain poppy grandiosity, not to mention Irish folk's considerable popularity all around in recent years.

Demonic Demography

A fun thing I did

I'd had this sitting around way too long and now I've finally put it up. Enjoy!

I know there's usually some sort of policy implication or something behind demographic studies. The only thing I can think of is that Estonia's marketing department should consider advertising "Estonia: More metal than Iceland!" It'd win me over.

Good Music

I like most kinds of music. Different kinds of music are good for different reasons, and I enjoy them to different extents, but generally there are very few styles that I dislike on the whole. Generally, when I do dislike some particular music, it is for reasons that are specific to the artist, song, album, etc. more than to the style or scene that they are a part of. That said, if there is one sort of music over which I can throw a blanket of general distaste, it is music that I find to be lacking in substance.

Now, musical/artistic substance is sort of a hazy qualification, but I think I've got it figured out (at least for the purposes of my own peculiar world view). The fact is, most music has substance in some way. The most common music accused of lacking substance is pop, but pop music does have a kind of substance. Its substantial element is its pursuit of accessibility, fun, ease of enjoyment, etc. The construction of a generally accessible song is an accomplishment worthy of note, particularly if it can be enjoyed under more scrutinous listening. Brutal/extreme music is sometimes accused of not having a lot of substance, but I would say the pursuit of brutality or extremeness in music constitutes as worthy an artistic endeavor as any.

So what music really lacks substance? The works I find to be most offensive in this regard are not really a particular style themselves, more of a particular mindset that some performers seem to exhibit. It is the attitude of being more interested in expressing their image through sound than any particular musicality.

Yes, this probably sounds Allow me to explain with an example: Akimbo. Akimbo are a Seattle act, usually called metal, but the extent to which this term could be used is debatable. Akimbo are in any case a band that seem to what to blast the fact that they are awesome rock stars through their amps more than any sort of music. They pose, they scream, they pound their instruments, but what comes out doesn't seem to be doing anything other than underlining what you see when you look on stage.

A more commonly known example might be most mainstream rap/hip-hop since the ealy-00s or so, and some preceding. Mace, Li'l Wayne and Birdman, Souljah Boy Tell'em, etc. There is usually neither a particular musicality nor any apparent attempt at impressive or meaningful rhymes. Just sort of "I-Am-Awesome" attitudes compressed into sonic form, passed off as pop music.

Third example just for fun/loathing: These Arms Are Snakes. I hate this band a lot. More of the same, each piece is just their image rather than a song. Each of these examples is just a different performer's take on the same idea.

****

I wrote this a couple weeks ago and felt it was incomplete, but I really didn't have much more to say on the matter so it was left unpublished. Then some stuff happened.

First, I had a weekend of excellent musical experiences, but that will be gotten into below. Next, I was introduced to a band called Protest the Hero. I was at first extremely sceptical of these guys, given their name (2003 metalcore style, straight up), their appearance (one of the dudes actually resembles Ben Gibbard a bit), and the fact that they were raved about by a non-metal music site. Now, the latter isn't always a bad sign (see the bands mentioned in the next section), but it often is. Just sort of depends on the source. For example: I don't, as a rule, trust The Stranger regarding metal. Anyway, immediately I was very impressed by Protest the Hero. They sounded like an explosion of Symphony X-core madness. I was immediately hooked. I listened to their myspace songs a bunch. Then I thought about it a little more.

These guys are JUST WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT HERE. There's a shit ton going on there, musically. It's just dense with action. But there's no real substance to it. It's just a rehashing of a bunch of different sorts of riffs. I wouldn't quite call it generic, more of just a jumble of things. It's just like Dead Man. The band who talks loud, says nothing. Nothing, anyway, besides "LOOK AT HOW AWESOME WE ARE!" This really speaks to me of how powerful this kind of music is. Even when I had just been thinking about these sorts of musical shenanigans, I was weak to its power. Partially, I must admit, I resent being tricked by it. Mostly, though, I resent the facade. Bad music should not be treated like good music, and substanceless music should not be treated like substantial music.

****

Now, the positive experiences. I saw two excellent bands live, one of which was new to me but totally blew my mind, and bought a new CD by another band whom I had already adored. The band I already knew and saw live was Agalloch, the ambient gray-to-black metal band with an adorably short singer/guitarist with very long hair. Agalloch do a lot with not that much, musically speaking. Mostly simple but long songs, standard metal two-guitar quartet, fairly rare overdubs by solo strings or similar. The new band I saw live was Grayceon, whom I was very skeptical about when they took the stage. A guitar-cello-drum metal trio? I thought to myself, these guys are just going to play the most predictable metal imaginable, but it was not so! It was amazing, deep, multi-textured, powerful stuff. I enjoy them a lot. The new CD was by Sculptured, their first new LP since 1999. Boy how they've grown. I think those guys are what Solefald wants to be. Unless, that is, it turns out Solefald wants to be aggressively hit-and-miss.

Not Cool

Iced Earth are releasing new material with old singer Matt Barlow. Generally, I could give half a shit about this turn of events, as Iced Earth bore me stupid, kings as they are of the dullest brand of power metal. But one thing struck me in particular about their upcoming single, "I Walk Among You." Specifically, the release along with it of an iTunes only track called "A Charge to Keep." If the phrase means nothing to you, I suggest Googling it and seeing what the first thing to come up is.

I knew they were big American ape men, but really? Did they really see fit to do this? This makes me feel dirty for having ever owned their material or seen them live.

It's All for You

A new song for you all to enjoy.

Also, be sure to come check out Teapot Dome at the Funhouse on March 24th! It will be a grand old time.

Finland's '08 Eurovision Entry

Lordi eat your heart out.

G(r)eekin' Out

Last night I went and saw Christos Govetas and Pasatempo at the Triple Door. It was some fantastic rebetika, and the Triple Door is an awesome venue. It brought to mind a few things: Firstly, that I really love Greek music and the Greek language. Next, Greeks love Greek culture, perhaps like no other peoples love their own cultures. Schedule some Greek music and they'll come together, all the old restauranteurs and their extended family. They get up on stage and dance, they shout "Opa!" and they generally have a great old time. It's an amazing thing to witness. I will also point out that the food at the Triple Door is excellent, and so is the wine.

The whole thing makes me want a bouzouki more than ever.

I will add lastly, for those who don't know, a note about rebetika. It generally seems to be the kind of music that most people associate with Greeks: bouzoukis/accordion/baglama, tremolo picking, harmonized vocals, etc. If you still don't know what I'm talking about, Monty Python's Cheese Shop Sketch features some. Rebetika has been called "Greek blues" by some because of its dark subject matter and who generally plays it, and is usually described as the music of the Greek underworld. This latter description rather makes me think of the story of Orpheus. I'm sure Hades played a mean joura.

Real Progress

Rush is just about my favorite band ever. This is because I am a fan of progressive music, and to me Rush embodies prog more than any other band. Also because they completely rock and always have.

So it upsets me when I see things like these Youtube page comments, which include people complaining because the newest Rush album is "alot [sic] different from their old stuff," is not "the real [R]ush." Now, of course, these are comment threads on Youtube, so they are basically guaranteed to be inane and moronic. Still, the idea that someone could ostensibly be a fan of Rush, a truly progressive band, but be upset when they actually progress is just bizarre to me. I would question what they think Rush is about, but then again these are probably not the sort of people who particularly think of what music is about. This is to say nothing of the fact that I happen to really enjoy the latest Rush album.

Another strange thing about Rush as a progressive band: Geddy Lee has said himself that he has never thought of Rush as being a prog rock band, but rather he and Alex Lifeson started it intending to play hard rock, just a bit "different," a bit "weird." In the same interview he said that the M.O. of Rush was always to change gears dramatically every couple of albums. Now, seeing as when Rush started, "prog rock" was not as solidly defined a term as it is now, it is understandable that they didn't set out with the goal of being a prog rock band. But in my view, that they consciously had these two particular ideas - being just a bit different from the norm, and changing gears regularly - is what makes them truly progressive musicians. That is progress.

It is possible that Geddy's feeling of separation from the term "prog rock" is based on a misconception that progressive music is the same as, say, avant-garde or experimental music, which strive to be completely different from the norm, in fact to show blatant and thorough disregard, even disgust towards the norm. Whereas progressive music strives to push the envelope, experimental music makes a new envelope out of scrap paper and candy wrappers.

While we're at it,

Full Frontal Assault

I swear, if I hear one more band play sped up Iron Maiden riffs and scream over them, I'm going to have to go back in time and kill Adrian Smith. I won't like doing it, but I just might have to. Not Steve Harris, though. Can't live in a timeline without him.

Celebreality

If you heard about one celebrity misfortune today, it was probably the death of Ike Turner. Ike Turner was an important fixture of early rock and roll, but in the end much more notable for being a horrid man beast who beat his wife (a much longer-lasting fixture of rock and roll). Ike Turner has not done anything worth mentioning in a number of years.

On the other hand, Terry Pratchett announced today that he has been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. Terry Pratchett is a confoundingly brilliant author and by all accounts a wonderful person, and plans to finish writing at least two more books, hopefully more. Hopefully many more. Best wishes to Terry and his family and friends during what must be a fucking horrifying time.

Hidden Treasures of Metal

WITH ADDITIONS

Some bands and albums are completely fantastic and just don't get the love they deserve. Check these out if you are looking for some high-quality metal and are tired of the same old. Many of them I discovered years ago and often forget about, damn me.

Novembre
There has definitely been no lack of bands to refer to themselves as being goth metal, gothic doom metal, metalic goth, and gothtastic meds, but here is one of the few that does it without necessarily doing it. Novembre are a band that embrace the moody minor keys, moaned downer lyrics, and chugging rhythm guitar of gothy doom metal in the fashion of My Dying Bride and Paradise Lost without getting too caught up in the style's melodramatic, over-synthed pitfalls. Aeolian leads dance over bare-bones rhythms while sung or bellowed or belched vocals drift in and out of songs like "Distances" off of Novembrine Waltz; bass and guitar melodies trade off over jazz chords in the powerfully building first half of "Tales from a Winter to Come" on Classica (which is a great song to listen to on a snowy day like today just happens to have turned out to be). These guys are still producing prolifically; "The Blue" came out earlier this year (it is decent but sounds a little like heavier and less ridiculous Sentenced). Proof that not everyone from Italy is as cheery as Roberto Benigni.

...And Oceans - A.M.G.O.D.
This is a weird band with a dumb name. However, even this dumb but quirky name is better than what they recently changed their name to - Havoc Unit. But I digress. A.M.G.O.D. was an excellent album with, again, a stupid title (it stands for Allotropic Metamorphic Genesis of Dismorphism; I think these guys eat thesauri for breakfast), but a genuinely unique sound. Their blend of black metal and industrial almost puts one in mind of some sort of bizarro Scandanavian Bauhaus. Of especial note are the tunes "Intelligence is Sexy" (a dancey geek anthem) and "Of Devilish Tongues" (a hard to follow but rewarding heavy piece). Somewhat like a car crash between Dimmu Borgir and The Matrix, only better than that sounds.

Labyrinth - Self-Titled
Another Italian gem. Straight up Power Metal done especially well. I bought this album for the appeal of the first track, "The Prophet," and initially didn't care for the rest of the album. Then I started to pick up some of the lyrics on that track and got a little put off by the bizarrely forceful Christianity of them (seems to be about the rapture or the end times or something). Eventually the rest of the album caught my ear though, and I got pretty bored by the first track in any case. The rest of the album showcases a much more interesting style, with organ and bass solos, harmonically creative melodies, and a number of incredibly well done pop-hard rock style passages. "This World," which is what generally passes for funky among metalheads, "Just Soldier (Stay Down)," with its really fucking cool choral bits and ass-kicking breakdown, and "Terzinato," with its killer verse riff that they might have borrow from Dying Fetus, are the biggest highlights of the album. Sorry, no elves here.

Sculptured
The lazy way to describe Sculptured would be as the poor man's Opeth, although to be fair they had their sound together (if not their production) back when Opeth were still quite finding their groove. They also thought up the brilliant stroke of adding a jazzy brass section to a metal band before even the brilliant Devin Townsend. And just think, all this while living out in lonely Camas, WA. The band is set to release their first full length album in nine years - only the third over all - in February. Hopefully this will be the start of a more regular routine for them. "Snow Covers All" is an excellent track from their first record.

Ram-Zet - Escape
Rather than try and explain this album too much, why don't I just have you guys watch the video for "Queen." Be forewarned, metal videos are rarely not completelly stupid. This one's main appeal (like a fair number of other metal vids) is that it has a sexy chick.

Fall of the Leafe - Volvere
Fall of the Leafe are one of my favorite bands and no one seems to care. This album is full of powerful melodies, spacey ambience, and catchy hooks with words that you can never quite make out. It's got heavily rock-influenced vocals and drums, proggy bass and rhythm guitars, and leads that I can't listen to without feeling them all over. It's not really like anything else out there, and it even varies dramatically throughout the album while still keeping a distinct sound. It also has some of my favorite song titles ever ("More Like a Situation," "Big Ol' Fat Rain Inside," and "Security Locks Are Good"). Sadly, Fall of the Leafe broke up recently. They did, however put out two more albums which I definitely shall be seeking out. The guitarist and song writer is apparently putting together a new act. I kind of want to send him a demo. Lord knows there couldn't be a better reason to move to Finland.

Darksun
Spanish-language power metal from Spain; Darksun lisp through some of the best epic, synth-driven (think Kamelot, or a much less shitty version of newer Nightwish) metal that's there to be found. Not really that much to say about these guys beyond that, besides that it really makes you wonder why metal bands always feel like they need to sing in English.

Also, just because it snowed a bunch today, you should all go out and listen to Darkthrone.

Harmonious Days

On happier topics, I've learned a bit lately about vowel harmony. It's something that exists primarily in Altaic (Turkish, Mongolian, theoretically Korean) and Uralic (Finnish, Hungarian, Samoyedic) languages. It's fun, and part of what makes Finnish in particular such a sonorous, melodious language. Only a small part, mind you; if that's all it took, clearly Turkish and Hungarian would sound a lot better.

The idea is that in any given word (in the case of Finnish and similarly agglutinative languages, this counts words as portions of compounds, Kahvi and Kuppi, as opposed to entire compounds, Kahvikuppi), all the vowels must be in harmony with each other. That is, front vowels and back vowels cannot be in the same word.* Since base words already fit these rules in (keeping the previous example) Finnish, this primarily is an effect on suffixes. Take, for example, the ending -lainen (in English phonetics, lie-nen), meaning "from." For words like Suomi (Swo-me) or Turku (Tour-ku), where the initial syllables have back vowels, the back voweled ending is left unchanged, so we get Suomalainen, "from Finland," and Turkulainen, "from Turku." On the other hand, we have Jyväskylä (Yü**-va***-skü-la***). All front vowels. So, we get Jyväskyläläinen, "from Jyväskylä." Further, for words that have back vowels, but none in the initial syllables, when endings are added back vowels in the ending AND in the non-initial syllables mutate to front vowels. For example, Espoo (es-po); Espööläinen (Es-per-la***ee-nen).

Speaking of Uralic and Altaic languages, two musical things I've been all about lately: Tuvan throat singing (I REALLY want to make some metal with a throat singer) and the new Korpiklaani album Tervaskanto. The first album they've done where most of it is in Finnish. I'm in love.



*In Finnish, there eight vowels. Ä, Ö, and Y are front, A, O, and U are back, and I and E are neutral.
**Ü has no real English equivalent. It's sort of like an "oo" sound if you purse your lips.
***These a's are short, as in "hat".

Wales, Pt. 2

And we are back.

I had intended here a section about all the great things that increased my love of Wales, and a few things that are cool anyway. But rather than do all that, I will just talk in general about being a Walesophile (or whatever you want to call it).

I have a tattoo on my right arm of Y Draig Goch, the Red Dragon, which is the Welsh emblem, found on their flag, some local beer labels, and assorted other Walesful things. The most common first question regarding this is something along the lines of "What's the deal with the dragon?" The second is usually "So, are you Welsh." It's a natural question, to which my answer is usually "No, I'm just a fan."


Fig. 2a. A dragon on my arm, or an army of my dragon?

No one overtly seems to judge me for this, but then actively criticizing someone's tattoo is rather a faux pas, so they could just be polite. But, reactions in general are usually at least "oh cool," and at most "that's awesome!" The only situation related to the tattoo that has had me at a loss for proper reaction is when I met someone else who wasn't from Wales who had the same tattoo. It was the foreignese/Eurotrash employee of a local cafe; he pointed out my tattoo, said he had the same one, showed me (it was slightly further up his arm than mine, and it also had more friends), and we talked about how Wales is great and we both have visited and loved it. At first I was a little put off just by having the same tattoo as someone else, but once that had sunk in, I enjoyed the encounter quite a bit. Someone else understanding on that level really helped me feel less awkward about my generally Wales-influenced mental state.

I have been trying to teach myself the Welsh language for a couple years now, but it is very slow going. This is not because it is exceptionally hard to learn (the pronunciation is by far the hardest aspect and I've had that down for a while), but because it is hard to learn a language independently and completely removed from other speakers. If anyone wants to learn Welsh with me and speak it to the end of confusing others around us, and essentially having our own secret language in almost any situation, feel free to let me know.


Fig. 2b. Curiously, this is a google image search result for "Welsh language"

I have taken something of a liking as well to Welsh music. Wales' folk music is actually surprisingly different from Irish or Scottish music, bearing some resemblence to mainland northern European folk music in its tonality and flow. The most widely known form of indigenous Welsh music is male vocal choirs. Also popular among people who are me are the Super Furry Animals (who often sing in Welsh) and Tom Jones (who sadly does not). There are two annual festivals in Wales that I positively ache to attend. One is the National Eisteddfod (ay-steth-vod), the largest Welsh cultural event there is. This year it was in Mold; next year it will be in Cardiff. The other is the Fishguard Folk Festival. Fishguard is on the southwest coast of Wales, in Pembrokeshire, and the festival looks to be a sort of Welsh Folklife. Count me in, sirs.

I take interest in Welsh or Wales-themed literature and film. I cheer for Welsh teams when they pop up in sporting events (which is generally just in international rugby, unless I am paying attention to second-tier British football leagues). Sometimes, I bake Welsh cookies and cakes. Basically, two roads diverged in a forest, and I take the one that is Welsh. And that has made all the difference.

Dear jazz singers,

Stop making shitty covers of popular songs! It's not good! No one likes it! Tom Jones was the only person cool enough to cover the Prince song "Kiss," so two mediocre jazz singers trying it should have been just out of the question. And doing "Jammin'"? Seriously? Jazz singing requires a level of enunciation that should preclude any reggae songs!

Stop it guys. Please.

Thanks,
Mike.

Dear KPLU,

See the above letter, and please stop enabling these poor deluded souls.

Seriously,
Mike.

Holy shit.

Sasquatch 2007 lineup announced.

Björk is going to be there.

METAL POST

This post is about metal bands.

Two bands that I enjoy more and more every time I listen to them, yet often forget about almost completely for months at a time, are Megadeth and Angra. This is, however, one of the few things the two bands have in common.

Megadeth are the oft-overlooked counterpart to Metallica as far as iconic bands of the bay area thrash scene in the 80s. For some reason, Metallica were the ones who got all the notoriety in the long run. But the fact is, I can't think of many standards by which Metallica are anywhere near as good a band as Megadeth. Now, this is not to say that it surprises me that Metallica are the more noticed band despite being the lesser; indeed, such things are quite predictable as far as music, or pretty much anything else goes. It's just a statement of fact: Megadeth could kick Metallica's ass on just about any matter, with the exception of average song length.
One of the reasons I think I enjoy Megadeth so much is, believe it or not, the vocals. Dave Mustaine is renowned for not being a very good singer, and many are put off by him. But! for me, singers like Mustaine make a positive point to me: even I could be a singer in a metal band*. Also, Mustaine is one of the few vocalists in metal -- or really, at all -- whose lyrics catch my attention and interest me. Clever, occasionally punny, and more than your average "kill die rock" of thrash lyrics.

Angra are a band I've known about for years, but only come to truly appreciate with time**. They are, by all means, one of the smoothest power metal bands I've ever enjoyed. Their sound is intricate and innovative, and their music always leaves you feeling good. They are at once mellow and rocking, and have gotten steadily better at being so over the years. They blend modern and classic metal and rock sounds as masterfully as any band I've ever heard.



*The same goes for Kai Hansen of Helloween/Gamma Ray, Matti of Skepticism, and Geddy Lee of Rush. It should be noted, however, that Dani Filth's vocals give me no such consolation because I just hate him and his stupid band.
**This is always a sign to me that a band is truly good. I tend to have much more respect for aquired musical tastes than music that is immediately good, as the latter's appeal doesn't usually last as long.

Banjos!

Banjos are probably my favorite instrument right now. I can't stop listening to them. It makes me want to play one. I love how strongly they can emote. Here are some youtubes of banjo playing that have been making me feel assorted things.


Steve Martin in the 70s (this one made me cry a little actually)
The Dubliners play "Farewell to Carlingford" (one of my favorite singers who also plays the banjo, Luke Kelly, and one of my favorite banjo players, Barney McKenna)
Earl Scruggs and other banjo players(FIVE BANJOS! Also more Steve Martin)

They help me deal with stress.

In the absense of real, substantial posts, I give you a selection of things on YouTube I've recently been enjoying a lot. I make no guarantee that you haven't seen any of these before.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=sorIJekdcgo
A fan-made video of a song by the Bloodhound Gang. These are two things that, in most situations, would have no chance of being a good combination. Fans are idiots and the Bloodhound Gang are a shitty band that I have not enjoyed since I was 13. However, this is an amazing song with lyrics consisting of quotations of the great animated philosopher Ralph Wiggum.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=xOeGM9wyTvU
The 80s were a strange time for commercials, especially if you were in Hungary.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=zbSrx9uH0Tw
Many do not know this, but The Dubliners were not so much a band as a collective of beard enthusiasts.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=cR8KmFP96us
Scary Brazillian Numetal Claymation.

Ok, have fun now!

QUIPs

There is a lot about the way people talk today that pisses me off, as most of you are probably aware. Today we discuss gripes that go beyond issues of propriety of usage and semantic contradiction (as in misuses of "literally" and the phrases "very" or "sort of unique"). Today's QUIPs, or Questionably Used or Irritating Phrases deal instead with socio-cultural or political issues.

The first of these QUIPs is "World Music."

The most popular music in the world is not actually pop music. It is, in fact, world music.
--Sifl and Olly

This generally refers to any music that is non-western, or any contemporary music whose style did not originate in the English-speaking west. This is either arrogant or maliciously lazy. The assumption here is that, for all the subdivisions that can be made of American popular music, all the hundreds of subgenres of metal and punk and jazz and electronic music, all those things that end with -core, there are two words that encompass all the other music from every other society. Are you from Lapland? Perhaps Siberia? Perhaps you hail from Jakarta, or Sao Paolo, or Lagos. It doesn't matter, though, because you are just the rest of the world, so you just play "World Music." All this being said, some bands are in fact eclectic in their style, having elements of music from many different parts of the world, and thus could arguably be described as "World Music," as it is music that attempts to be simply of the world rather than its particular culture of origin.

The second QUIP: "Anti-Semitic." This, in common usage (actually, in just about all usage) means "in opposition to the Jewish people, nation, and/or society." However, it literally means a more general opposition to all Semites. Most people see the word in context and thus would assume that a Semite is a Jew. And ethnically Jewish people are indeed Semitic. However, they are scarcely the only Semites in the world. In fact, with this popular definition of Anti-Semitic, the most prominent Anti-Semites in the world are, in fact, Semitic. Care to guess who? Perhaps you have guessed it: The Palestinians. Along with Egyptians, Assyrians, Iraqis, Saudis, etc. Arabs are Semitic. A good portion of the "Anti-Semitic" statements made in the modern world are made in Arabic, a Semitic language.

Now, some racially motivated people probably are Anti-Semitic, but even these people probably seperate in their minds the cultures of the Jews and their Semitic neighbors. Preferably, if you want to describe a sentiment or person that is in opposition to the Jewish people, nation, or society, say "Anti-Hebrew," "Anti-Jewish," "Anti-Israeli," something along those lines that clarifies which Semites are being opposed.

Very Important

And now, a Wizard Belt Special Comment.

I want the members of Queen, Rush, and Steely Dan to form a band together. This will cure all the worlds ills and stop the apocalyptic weather patterns that this wicked winter has brought upon the Northwest.

Hell Yeah We Fucking Suck

Following up on my nomination of Devin Townsend as exclusive person of the year (or as Time has probably trademarked that phrase, I shall rechristen him Wizard of the Year), I will now review the new Strapping Young Lad album, which I have just recently purchased.

Strapping Young Lad - The New Black
This album, like any Strapping Young Lad album, kicks total ass and is full of violent ear destruction of the highest caliber. The album, as has become increasingly true of SYL albums, and indeed of all of Townsend's efforts, is very diverse, from standard SYL anger ("You Suck," another in the long line of classics like Shitstorm and Oh My Fucking God) to an epic tribute to metal and metality ("Far Beyond Metal") to ethereal hard rock slightly more reminiscent of albums like Accellerated Evolution and Ocean Machine ("Almost Again"). Of course, the production and sound quality are absolutely top tier, as is to be expected with any work Devin puts his hands to. To use a cliche, The New Black has it all: rock, roll, metal, killer solos, horn sections. There are even a couple of golden guest appearances. Hard rocking Canadienne Bif Naked appears on the mid-paced love-fest "Fucker," and GWAR frontmonster Oderus Urungus quotes his own lyrics in "Far Beyond Metal."

While like every Devin Townsend venture this album is new and forward-thinking, it also feels in some ways like SYL has gone back before going forward. That is, it feels more like a continuation of the older SYL style than the logical sequel to 2005's Alien. While Alien felt like an expansion on the style of 2003's self-titled SYL album (which itself seemed to come out of nowhere after a long hiatus for the project), The New Black feels like it is jumping in right where City left off in 1997. This of course begs the question of where next will SYL be going? Will they be going further down the path of raging speed as they have here, or back to the more groovy, cerebral path of Alien? Wherever they go, I'd just like them to stop here on the way.

We Did It!

Time Magazine has announced its Person of the Year. Joining such great figures as Nelson Mandela, Charles Lindbergh, and George Herbert Walker Bush, joining such lame editions of the annual love fest as The Computer, "Middle Americans," and the Earth itself is:

You, me, your grandma, and whoever she buys groceries from.

What a fucking crock. Everyone knows that the persons of the year is Devin Townsend and only Devin Townsend.

PS. The pictures totally make it seem like an ad for iPods or herpes meds.

Been a Long Time Since I Rocked and Rolled

So much has happened in the long while since I've posted. Brief recap of things:

Blue Congress
The Democrats take both houses of Congress and a number of gubernatorial races, much to the pleasure of all. The very close Senate races in Montana and Virginia seal the deal. Many have attempted to frame this as a victory of conservatism, as so many of the victorious Democrats are moderate or right of center, but to that I say bull shit. We are moving genuinely leftward in this country, and most of the new faces in the Senate show this. Plus, look at our in-coming House Speaker, a San Fransicgay liberal no less. Anyway, we also saw the departure of Rummy. Gooooooood riddance.

The Bards Are Back
Tomorrow evening, I will be seeing Blind Guardian in Seattle. It will be the most amazing thing ever since the last time I saw Blind Guardian (four years ago).

Magical Transportable Computermajig
With my next pay check, I will be purchasing a laptop from work. It will be a PC, which is on the one hand lame, but on the other hand, I will be primarily using it for gaming and taking notes at school, until I get a chance to put Linux on it, which is very un-lame.

Let's Get the Hell Out of Here
I talked to my advisor at school recently about my graduation prospects. They are good. Bearing unforeseen events, I will be graduated from WWU in June, after which I will take a trip to Europe (possibly taking in the Welsh National Eisteddfod in Mold. And on a related note, there might be a brief trip to Italy in the spring as well. Exciting!

Indescribably Awesome
This.

Ok that's it. Coming soon: Wizard Belt Project Presents the Jake E. Lee Award for Mediocrity!

There Are Still Heroes

Vital Remains are too evil for New Hampshire. I can only hope that I live to see the day when I'm too evil to play a show.

FootBULL!

Last night at work, we had Monday Night Football on. It was a big event this week, because it's the first game played by the Saints back in the Super Dome, and everyone is happy, sad times are getting better, etc. So ok, that's cool, bully for them. BUT! They decided to make it a heinous hullaballoo of an event. It was really nauseating scene for several reasons.

First, Green Day and U2 performing together before the game and at halftime. I know U2 are all about tragedies and stuff these days, and Bono and The Edge are the all time rock start philanthropy gods, but Green Day? And how are these bands appropriate for rechristening the NEW ORLEANS Super Dome? New Orleans! Jazz! Blues! Not this hideous uber-whiteness! Also, when did Billy Joe decide on the Robert Smith look-alike act?

Next on the list of grievances was the man tossing* the coin before the start of the game: George Herbert Walker Bush. That's right, the former president, the father of Bungly Joe, the husband of that elloquent, compassionate woman Barbara Bush, who had so many wonderful things during the Katrina crisis, flipping the fucking coin in the Super Dome! I'm surprised that the audience did not run him out on a rail.

Lastly, there was the game itself. Aside from the fact that the whole situation was very unfair to the poor Atlanta Falcons (who could bring themselves to even try to beat the disenfranchised New Orleans team?), there were the announcers, who could only seem to focus on how surprised they were at how happy everyone looked, and how they were actually SURPRISED that the people seemed to be trying to forget about the tragedy that had befallen them. Of course! What a surprise it is that people don't want to think about the fact that their homes and possessions were destroyed? Why, they should be ashamed of themselves for not constantly grieving their misfortunes.

If only I had had some respect to begin with for producers and announcers of NFL games, I'd be able to lose it.

*and notably, he seemed to be taking the term "coin toss" a bit too literally: this was no flip, it was a straight up lob of the coin.

Seriously, a real post soon.

Ok, so I haven't posted a lot lately, because I've been very busy receiving the aural sex that is the new Blind Guardian CD, A Twist in the Myth. Also, I haven't been able to think of things to write about and stuff, but that's quite beside the point. This band only releases a cd every four years, so I think I'm entitled to a few weeks to bathe in their glory when they do. Also, they'll be coming to Vancouver and Seattle in November, so that will be completely awesome to the point that it could be lethal.

The other thing is that classes start next week and that's awesome. I've been really bored lately, and really unmotivated. School should fix this right up. This will be the third-to-last term in my undergraduate education. I'm excited.

There will also be another band going on this fall. More to come.

This Is Spinal Tap and Airheads. Two of the best movies ever made about metal. Both star Michael McKean. Coincidence?



I THINK NOT.

Where Dead Guitarists Lie

Metalhead as I am, I suppose I do have to comment on the suicide of Dissection's Jon Nötveidt. Scarcely the first -- or most important -- black metal persona to end himself, Nötveidt does have the distinction of being the only major character in black metal history so far to have a murder AND a suicide under his belt. But while the man did seem like an asshole even by black metal standards, I do give him credit for never corpsepainting himself or taking on a goofy pseudonym; Jon Nötveidt is a pretty great name, though not quite as good as Øystein Aarseth.

Now, notably I'm not really that much of a Dissection fan. They're good and everything, I just never got particularly into them. But, I do have opinions on the death itself. Many -- possibly including himself -- have purported that he ended his life in the fashion of a "true Satanist," at the time when his "power" was at its height and he had achieved everything he sought to achieve. Now, I don't know if this is really how a true Satanist should act, or indeed if this is actually how he was acting/thinking as he slew himself. I do know, however, that Satanism is, in general, tacky and pretentious, and that is exactly the way this whole thing seems. A true Satanist kills himself/herself and then makes a big deal about being a true Satanist.

Short and Sweet

Power metal is awesome forever.

Corpse Painting the White House

A first season episode of The West Wing I watched today really showed off how well the show's producers/writers did their homework by talking about neo-nazis and mentioning Graveland, although they made a slight mistake in citing "Following the Voice of Blood as their second album, when it is in fact their fourth (although maybe I misheard). Either way, I went nuts for that. The only thing that would have made it better is if it had been Det Som En Gang Var, but as they would probably have to say the title in English and explain the meaning more, it would have been a bit too awkward for the fast flow of the show.

Bass Instincts

For me, this has been a week of falling in love again with music, and especially with the electric bass as an instrument. Too often in the recent past, I put bass playing on the back burner in favor of guitar playing. But this is changing thanks to several things and people, which have inspired in me newfound passion for my old instrument. Here they are in order of coming to my attention over the week, in narrative form (and with a number of links included):

On tuesday night, I was stopping at the local food co-op for something to eat after practice with Whiskey Galöre, the band in which I am playing bass these days and which started me on the serious revitalization of my practice. On my way back to my car thereafter, I saw a flier for a show happening the next night at WWU's Underground Coffeehouse featuring Taarka, the "seismic gypsy hypno-jazz" quartet who are mainstays of assorted Seattle art festivals and other similar events, as well as playing many more real shows (which I had not yet myself attended).

I have seen Taarka play with several bassists before, none of which have disappointed. But when I saw them wednesday night, I was blown away. Doing the greater share of this blowing was the bassist playing with them that night, Damian Erskine. Here surely is a god among bassists. The six strings of his instrument are merely appendages of his cunning hands and mind. Suffice is to say, I want to have his bass babies.

The next day, after enjoying the recordings on Damian's site, and doing a fair bit of practicing myself, I did some thinking about the fact that when I get some disposable cash, I need to invest in new amplification for my bass rig, specifically a couple of smaller speakers do complement the booming thuds of my single 18-inch speaker. But, I was quickly distracted and lulled into long, lustful stares at several ridiculously exotic instruments (seen here and here). I shall certainly have one of these, next time I have five or six thousand dollars lying around.

So there it is, and now I take on the playing of my instrument with an enthusiasm I have not known for a long while. Good days to be.

Quickie

Quick post while I try and think of something better to write about. A brief anecdote and an odd ponderance.

First, the story: The other night, I was in the car with several people, and the radio was on. The station playing was Vancouver, BC's The Fox, a rock station more or less equivalent to KISW in Seattle (except with much less irritating DJs and, as you'll see, a bit better music sometimes). The song playing when the station turned on was both familliar and awesome, but I wasn't sure what it was. I first proposed that it was "Who Was In My Room Last Night" by The Butthole Surfers (which I had not and have not heard in years), an assertion backed up my room mate, who said that it sounded very Butthole Surfers-esque. As it turns out, the song was "Jesus Built My Hotrod" by Ministry, which just so happens to have a guest performance by Butthole Surfer Gibby Haynes. Funny! Sort of!

Now, the odd thought: If I think Rosie the Riveter is hot, does that make me a good feminist or a bad one?


(Hotness)

Whiskey Galore

Excitngly, I have joined a new band. This is the second band that I have jammed with that I found on Bellingham's fairly new Craigslist page -- and, by quite the coincidence, happen to have the same drummer as the last one and practice in the same space in the remote Bellingham suburb of Sudden Valley. The really great part about this band? They play Irish/Celtic style rock! More like The Pogues than Flogging Molly, but still very fun and awesome. I feel a great chemistry with the other band members, and am looking forward to writing with them in the near future. It feels great and I'm ecstatic about it. We even have a gig lined up in June at the Old Peculier in Ballard. And it's also got me working on my first straight up Irishy folk tune. Yes indeed, good musical times ahead.