Friday, September 29, 2006

Above is the CEO of the company that produces the Girls Gone WIld video series, who just pleaded guilty in a case regarding the ages of some of the girls who have, over the years, been documented going wild. Two things about this remain utterly unsurprising: the case itself and also the way this guy looks. All he needs is a plastic cup full of beer in his hand and to be going "WOO!"


Tuesday, September 26, 2006


Last night at work, we had Monday Night Football on. It was a big event this week, because it's the first game played by the Saints back in the Super Dome, and everyone is happy, sad times are getting better, etc. So ok, that's cool, bully for them. BUT! They decided to make it a heinous hullaballoo of an event. It was really nauseating scene for several reasons.

First, Green Day and U2 performing together before the game and at halftime. I know U2 are all about tragedies and stuff these days, and Bono and The Edge are the all time rock start philanthropy gods, but Green Day? And how are these bands appropriate for rechristening the NEW ORLEANS Super Dome? New Orleans! Jazz! Blues! Not this hideous uber-whiteness! Also, when did Billy Joe decide on the Robert Smith look-alike act?

Next on the list of grievances was the man tossing* the coin before the start of the game: George Herbert Walker Bush. That's right, the former president, the father of Bungly Joe, the husband of that elloquent, compassionate woman Barbara Bush, who had so many wonderful things during the Katrina crisis, flipping the fucking coin in the Super Dome! I'm surprised that the audience did not run him out on a rail.

Lastly, there was the game itself. Aside from the fact that the whole situation was very unfair to the poor Atlanta Falcons (who could bring themselves to even try to beat the disenfranchised New Orleans team?), there were the announcers, who could only seem to focus on how surprised they were at how happy everyone looked, and how they were actually SURPRISED that the people seemed to be trying to forget about the tragedy that had befallen them. Of course! What a surprise it is that people don't want to think about the fact that their homes and possessions were destroyed? Why, they should be ashamed of themselves for not constantly grieving their misfortunes.

If only I had had some respect to begin with for producers and announcers of NFL games, I'd be able to lose it.

*and notably, he seemed to be taking the term "coin toss" a bit too literally: this was no flip, it was a straight up lob of the coin.

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Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Seriously, a real post soon.

Ok, so I haven't posted a lot lately, because I've been very busy receiving the aural sex that is the new Blind Guardian CD, A Twist in the Myth. Also, I haven't been able to think of things to write about and stuff, but that's quite beside the point. This band only releases a cd every four years, so I think I'm entitled to a few weeks to bathe in their glory when they do. Also, they'll be coming to Vancouver and Seattle in November, so that will be completely awesome to the point that it could be lethal.

The other thing is that classes start next week and that's awesome. I've been really bored lately, and really unmotivated. School should fix this right up. This will be the third-to-last term in my undergraduate education. I'm excited.

There will also be another band going on this fall. More to come.


Sunday, September 10, 2006

This Is Spinal Tap and Airheads. Two of the best movies ever made about metal. Both star Michael McKean. Coincidence?


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Friday, September 08, 2006

A Skunk Fell Out of my Nose

We're people. People have preconceptions about things. One of the biggest (and perhaps silliest) sources of these preconceptions is people's bodies, even things that are completely unchangeable and technically wholly separate from one's personality, one's lifestyle, etc. Of course, some things are easily changeable, and thus all the more ready to be associated with different sorts of people. My favorite example: mustaches.

Think of all the ideas we have about people with mustaches, the variety of preconceptions we can get from different types of hair on one's upper lip, provided there's none on one's chin. A thick, wide mustache makes you look gay, Italian, or like a cop. A thin, wispy one makes you look like a child molestor. A stubble mustache makes you look 13. A handlebar mustache makes you look like you should be in a barber shop quartet about 80 years ago. A modern, American fu manchu (or as I prefer to call them, redneck boxes) makes you look like you really enjoy guns, NASCAR, and Wal-Mart. A real fu manchu makes you awesome. And of course a little black bar makes you either Hitler or Chaplin.

I had a proper mustache once. It was part of a Halloween costume (I was "Gay"). When I wore the pants and muscle shirt that went with it, gay I did look. However, my features and ethnicity being what they are, when otherwise clad I looked like a certain famous Brooklyn plumber who had adventures involving mushrooms and turtles. It was pretty awesome. But, eventually I gave up on it and shaved it off, and eventually grew back my more standard facial hair configuration.


Tuesday, September 05, 2006

In Soviet Russia, Ham Burgles You!

So, hamburgers. The quintessential American food, with a German name. Oft served with cheese. But of course, the variations are countless, not just bye changing/adding toppings, but by changing the variety of patty. Of course, as "hamburger" also refers to ground beef, a sandwich with a fish-, soy-, or even grain-based patty might not necessarily be a hamburger, technically speaking. Thus, other names are given, but almost always are variations on this name, using -burger as a suffix to mean "sandwich with patty of or with aformentioned material." the "with" portion is mostly for the classic cheeseburger, which is not a sandwich with a cheese patty, but rather a hamburger with cheese melted onto the patty.

This switch in the meaning of the -burger suffix from "person who lives in a city" to this sandwich-related meaning has become completely absorbed by our culture, so that the idea of a burger not being a sandwich throws us for a loop, and indeed causes some to question why a hamburger is not generally made with ham. These people, of course, are the same types who question why "bacon" is not baked, and should be put away in a small prison camp and forced to read the etymology segment of every word in the English dictionary.