Thursday, June 29, 2006


Yesterday I gave my two weeks notice at Papa John's. I'm working on a nice long rant to post here on that subject, I may find time to finish it tomorrow.

In the meantime: Yesterday my writing was parsimoniously described as "amused self-indulgence." Thoughts on that from my faithful audience?


Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Hangin' on the World Tree

So with work and the new quarter at school in full swing, I haven't had time to put much into this lately. I'll try and write a big entry tomorrow night, but for now it'll be more World Cup action.

Some things have been going pretty much how I predicted them (for example, Brazil dominating their group, Germany dominating theirs, and no good news for Serbia or Togo). There have, however, been a couple surprises. For one thing, I expected France to do better than Switzerland, but such has not been the way (I'm still thinking South Korea will pull out ahead in that one). But the biggest surprises have been from Group E, which is home to the US, the Czech Republic, Italy, and Ghana. The first two games (Italy/Ghana and CR/US) turned out pretty much how I would have guessed. But the second two were shockers: Italy and the US tied, and Ghana beat the Czech republic! The results there will be seen tomorrow, as the US plays Ghana and the Czechs play the Italians. My predictions are Ghana over US and a tie in the other game. But we shall see.

Since I haven't been able to watch games lately, I invested in a soccer video-type game for the PS2. I also got a collection of the first 8 Mega Man games. Both are most excellent.


Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Wild World Cup Action

I've been watching the World Cup lately, and it's been awesome -- especially the hot Italian guy pile in the Italy/Ghana game after the second goal! I felt kind of bad for Ghana though, as they put up a pretty fierce resistance and yet seemed like really nice guys, always helping fallen Italian players up and patting them on the back, shaking hands with them, etc. But the bottom line is that the Italian team (who also seemed like a class act) were truly the superior one in this game. Sort of like in the USA/Czech Rep. game. Boy were we ever destroyed. The Czechs might be the great hope against Brazil this year.

Another team I wish had won was Angola. In the case of their game against their former colonial botherers Portugal. In this case, I think the match was a lot closer to even. Angola really put up a savage fight and seemed like they really deserved it. But of course, it's not over for any of these teams yet, as the first round goes on. Angola could still beat Mexico and Iran, and Ghana could still beat the US and CR (although I really doubt it).

Anyway, here's how I see things turning out (and here's what I'd like to see happen):

Round 1
Group A: Germany (Germany)
Group B: England (Sweden. Fucking Bechham)
Group C: Argentina (Cote D'Ivoire)
Group D: Mexico (them or Angola would be cool)
Group E: Czech Republic (Italy)
Group F: Brazil (Croatia, but I mean really now)
Group G: South Korea (France)
Group H: Spain (Spain)

After that,
Germany over England (hoping so too)
Argentina over Mexico (but go Mexico)
Probably Brazil over Czech Republic (but go Czechs, seriously)
South Korea over Spain (I'm pretty neutral on this one)

Argentina over Germany (but go Germany)
Brazil over South Korea (South Korea go))

Brazil over Argentina (but go Argentina this time)

So that's that. Forza Italia! Forza mucchio caldo del tipo!


Dumb Fun and Just Dumb

Last night I went to the Papa John's new employee orientation. It was a lot of paperwork and uniform handing out and going over rules, but the highlight was clearly the training video. As soon as I had been told I was going to an orientation meeting with a video, I thought of a particular sketch on one of my very favorite tv shows of the past, Mr. Show, wherein a Marilyn Manson-styled character is the host of a training video for his very own chain of pizza parlors. The sketch finished with the "16 Ps" of success, one of which was actually mentioned in the Papa John's video ("Positive Mental Attitude"). But, aside from the silly dress code rules* and dumb phrases, the video actually reminded me quite pointedly of another Mr. Show sketch called "No Adults Allowed," wherein middle-aged squares attempted to appear as teenagers on a cable access show. The video was really the perfect synthesis of Marilyn Monster's "We're cool and different but here are strict rules by which you must always abide and live by" and No Adults Allowed's "We're painfully out of touch with youth and reality but here's some hints of things we think we heard are cool; that's cool, right?"

So recently we've been hearing a lot about one Ann Coulter. Claiming that 9/11 widows are profiteering "harpies," that "all liberals want to live like Swedes,"** and that Jews are Christians but Episcopalians are "barely a religion," there is no shortage of things to correct her about. I mean, it's almost too easy. How does one even start to correct someone who purports (very specifically, I might add) that it's good that conservatives and Christians are pushing for Earth to be over-populated to the point of "standing room only."*** Perhaps the sheer incredulity that one can't help but feel in light of her bizarre opinions is why so many of her critics end up stumbling into ad hominem comments on her ghost-like face and Adam's apple. One is left gasping for air in a sea of disbelief, and her ugly neck and head are the only solid things one can stand to hold onto (perhaps holding onto her neck actually is a good idea) to escape drowning in the madness of her rants.

*The dress code at Papa John's includes: Belts must be worn if one's pants have loops; no form of visible body piercing or any jewelry is allowed (excludive of wedding bands but inclusive of watches); pants must be khaki; no facial hair between chin and ear lobe. Tattoos are strangely absent from any mention in these rules.
**And it's true!
***If you don't believe any of this -- and you probably shouldn't -- check out of the first chapter of her new book.

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Friday, June 09, 2006

Blockbuster Hit of the Summer

Item 1: Responsibilities, or Lack Thereof
As of yesterday at about 12, spring quarter is over for me at school. I was just hired at a job, starting on monday. My band, having just been into the studio and played a show, has no pressing obligations for a good while. I don't move into my new house untitl next week. In other words, I have, at least for this weekend, no important responsibilities. It's pretty awesome, and pretty uncommon. By a week from monday, I'll be in class again (10 credits, two classes), and working, and will have to move across town in the meantime.

Item 2: Workin' for The Man™
This new job is at the Bellingham location of Papa John's, where I will be delivering pizza. It's the same position as my old job, but it will be completely different. For example, while at Mad, the only dress code stipulation was wearing a store shirt, here I will be required to wear a brand shirt, white undershirt, and khaki pants, and keep my cheeks clean shaven at all times and my visible body unpierced.

More annoying than clothing restrictions, though, is the fact that I will have to attend the company orientation nonsense that will be held on monday, at 5 o'clock, in Everett, WA. Now, I'm not entirely sure if I have anyone reading who is not from Washington state, so let me just assure you, that Everett is a terrible place to go any time, but during rush hour on a weekday, it is nothing short of cruel and unsual to send someone there. Getting there from Seattle (which is where I'll be for most of this weekend) by the freeway takes, in good traffic, about half an hour. I dread to think how much time I'll spend on the road getting there this time.

So, long story short: I am a corporate sell out and boo on me, but I'll have money now so I can finally by that hurdy gurdy I've been after.


Saturday, June 03, 2006

Just wow.

Within a week of each other, this and this. What the hell is wrong with Washington these days? Everything will be fucking illegal soon. Aren't we supposed to be liberals up here?

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Thursday, June 01, 2006

Look Out, Mario

When I was young, my neighbors (heavy Christians that they were) had a video game for the NES called Bible Adventures. It was a goofy little game, composed of three seperate games based on classic Bible stories: Noah's Ark, the birth and protection of baby Moses, and David v. Goliath. The first involved carrying animals and throwing them onto a boat, the second involved carrying a baby and avoiding Egyptian soldiers who wanted it dead, the third involved throwing a stone at a giant. In other words, carry stuff, throw stuff (you could throw baby Moses at any point in the game, which was essentially the good part of the game, unless you count stacking animals on top of each other in the Noah game). Essentially, it was a poorly animated and interactive retelling of three classic Bible tales that we young 'uns all knew from our Church learnin', and would appeal cross-denominationally (if it appealed at all), and was even inclusive of little Jewish kids (except for the name). So it was lame, but not a bad little stocking stuffer for religious parents.

When I was quite a bit older (15), there was an episode of the Simpsons that mentioned a game that might have been a vague reference to Bible Adventures, called "Billy Graham's Bible Blaster," in one tried to convert heathens (but if you weren't thorough, they became Unitarians). This was pretty genius, I thought.

Now, a good 16 to 18 years since the release of Bible Adventures, another Christian-oriented game is on its way out, this time looking a little more like the Simpsons' view of Jesus gaming, but is perhaps -- no, distinctly more ridiculous. From the makers of some of the most hilariously bad books and filmic versions thereof since the rise of John Grisham, ladies and gentlemen...

Left Behind: Eternal Forces.

Just like in Rod and Todd Flanders' copy of Bible Blaster, you are on the streets converting non-believers. Only this time, if the pagan bastards won't have it, you've got something else up your sleeve: a paramilitary force. Of course, after killing in God's name, your troops must pray for God's forgiveness, lest their spirituality be depleted so much that they be won over by the AntiChrist (the spawn of Satan, in this version of the world, is nefarious UN Secretary Nicholae Carpathia, who, in a recent Left Behind film, unleashed his vile plot to place the entire world under ONE CURRENCY! Ooh, the dastard). The game is a real-time strategy, and involves supernatural spectacles of angels and demons come to assist or deter you, respectively.

I don't think anything else I could write could possibly make this any funnier than it is, so I'll leave you to stare at your computer screens for a spell.

[Thanks to Pharyngula]

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