Dumb Fun and Just Dumb

Last night I went to the Papa John's new employee orientation. It was a lot of paperwork and uniform handing out and going over rules, but the highlight was clearly the training video. As soon as I had been told I was going to an orientation meeting with a video, I thought of a particular sketch on one of my very favorite tv shows of the past, Mr. Show, wherein a Marilyn Manson-styled character is the host of a training video for his very own chain of pizza parlors. The sketch finished with the "16 Ps" of success, one of which was actually mentioned in the Papa John's video ("Positive Mental Attitude"). But, aside from the silly dress code rules* and dumb phrases, the video actually reminded me quite pointedly of another Mr. Show sketch called "No Adults Allowed," wherein middle-aged squares attempted to appear as teenagers on a cable access show. The video was really the perfect synthesis of Marilyn Monster's "We're cool and different but here are strict rules by which you must always abide and live by" and No Adults Allowed's "We're painfully out of touch with youth and reality but here's some hints of things we think we heard are cool; that's cool, right?"

So recently we've been hearing a lot about one Ann Coulter. Claiming that 9/11 widows are profiteering "harpies," that "all liberals want to live like Swedes,"** and that Jews are Christians but Episcopalians are "barely a religion," there is no shortage of things to correct her about. I mean, it's almost too easy. How does one even start to correct someone who purports (very specifically, I might add) that it's good that conservatives and Christians are pushing for Earth to be over-populated to the point of "standing room only."*** Perhaps the sheer incredulity that one can't help but feel in light of her bizarre opinions is why so many of her critics end up stumbling into ad hominem comments on her ghost-like face and Adam's apple. One is left gasping for air in a sea of disbelief, and her ugly neck and head are the only solid things one can stand to hold onto (perhaps holding onto her neck actually is a good idea) to escape drowning in the madness of her rants.


*The dress code at Papa John's includes: Belts must be worn if one's pants have loops; no form of visible body piercing or any jewelry is allowed (excludive of wedding bands but inclusive of watches); pants must be khaki; no facial hair between chin and ear lobe. Tattoos are strangely absent from any mention in these rules.
**And it's true!
***If you don't believe any of this -- and you probably shouldn't -- check out of the first chapter of her new book.